Built to Crash

Built to crash would be an understatement of my current state. After staying up until 7 a.m almost everyday. I've finally come down with a headache/fever so strong it makes me teary eyed. A fever I knew was coming because of my sleep schedule for the last two weeks or more. I've been going higher on that ledge until I crashed sometime today around 6 p.m

My eyes hurt, my head is throbbing, I feel my eyes losing sleep because they just want me to relax god damn it! but I won't.

I hope I get to go to Talahasse for Christmas, then I can even go to Daytona beach....maybe. The first months of winter are always harsh on me, i don't even have time to adjust from the cool summer breezes to the crippling winter winds.

I've got so much on my mind...man if i was like that Hindu god Kaneesh, (I dont think i spelt that right) I would do so many things with all my arms of different lengths.
man my head really really hurts. I need to take some Ibuprofen or something.

Tonight I'll go to bed much earlier not because I want to but because this tired body of mine will compel me to do so.

Vector_Bender

Once again here I am. More time at the computer doodling with stuff just for the heck of it, the weather outside is frightful, sitting in my room is so delightful... so let it snow and I dont care. So today, I sat around and did about 7 more vector images. I found an older picture of me and toyed around with it until I came up with this vector image that reminds me of something I dont remember. Most of the older pictures I do are of beautiful women..because who doesnt love beautiful women.

Vector Images are images that can be scaled down or up as much as you want without losing quality because instead of pixels getting bigger or smaller, vector functions are used to control the sizing of the smaller bits that can be edited to create what you want. Ok on to much more interesting things.

So today was an even more exciting day for for. I stayed up until 6 a.m, working with flash, HTML, JAVA blah blah. Anyways...I thought the intro at the MANKATO RUGBY site was getting a bit annoying so changed it with a more subtle static page that was more basic, i think it now has a more rugby feel to it. At 7 a.m I went to bed and woke up at 3 p.m feeling terrible. Today I recieved some program I bought on Ebay from a guy in Manchester, England. I seriosuly thought I was never going to get it.

I called my cousin today and it amazes me to hear stories of all these people that I knew way way back getting married to each other and having Babies with each other. They use to be the greatest playground enemies. I dont know but if I ever do happen to get married, it would have to be because of a revelation in a dream two days before Armargedon. Why two days? I dont know.

In the winter, time seems fluid and you can never tell if its 8a.m or 8p.m. I miss the summer already... the lake, flip flops, wife beaters......pimp slippers, hot hot hot hot heat , sunshine on my shoulders, night time sunshine, meeting strangers, not wearing heavy coats, camouflage shorts ( believe me I have a lot of those), Swimming..how can I ever forget swimming, plus more.

Monday will be here soon, I wonder what it'll bring. Its funny that they say time waits for no one but my watch just stopped moving.

My .GIF bif

As you can tell, I have nothing to do today. So why not sit at my computer and get more familiar with all my programs. Today was the first time I'd ever used Adobe Image Ready which came along with Photoshop but I just saw image ready as unnecassary until I started playing with it and created this sweet animated GIF of Stewie from Family Guy using a huge poster of him in dancing poses that I cut into smaller bits and layered.

I played with 3-D Swift today though I found it to be a bit difficult..I'll gave it more time. For now i'll just focus on some FLASH, and in doing so I created a new item for my portfolio, something like a photographer's portfolio using Flash, I even added my favorite NAT King Cole track. CHECK IT OUT.

One of my favorite programs so far has been the COREL Graphic Suite 12, I made some really nice vector images (coming soon), the program is so good yet cheaper than photoshop.

I felt sick this morning because I forgot to turn the heat on when I went to bed, it was SOOOOO cold, I was dreaming I was stuck outside and couldnt get inside because the door had been bolted.

So while working on a bunch of different projects today....I spent the entire time listening to the best of Chuck Berry, 10 hours total, I couldn't stop playing "Memphis, Tennesse" its a good track that talks about something similar to what I've been going through for a very long time..a very long time.
I hope I dont have to write another entry, because I think I've written enough.

Hey there

Back again..photoshop just wont leave me alone. I've made thousands of brushes now and most of them seem to be military themed. While doodling around, i came up with this picture about what else but WAR. I dont know what I think about it.

Back-in-Time

Oh man...very tired. ground white..cant go outside...too cold....eat more....listen to music....take shower...make something to eat, its a busy day. Well so i just got back and I did nothing but complete more photoshop brushes. the theme was a military thing but I couldnt really show everything on a single paper. Up are a few samples. i didnt sleep the entire night.. so I'm a bit shaky.

My Templates

Today i worked extra hard for about 12 hours and came up with four measly template designs for examples on my site. You can , check them out here Man i hope people will like those ones. I'm working on coming up with some new ones in the future. I'm also working on a few logos for some companies in Minneapolis and a site for some guy in Seattle, Telecommuting. I've gone without sleep for a while and for some reason it feels really good, I like to push myself to do these things that look half-ok when they come out. i have so many things on my mind all the time I cant keep up with myself...its a race against self. I'll go back to working and see what I can come up with next.

My unhappening afternoon

8:09 p.m and I'm sitting here by myself photoshopping pics without a care in the world. I like playing with all these programs...photoshop, flash, 3D Swift, Director, Image Ready, they all help me get my creative ebergy out, plus I dont feel lonely when I'm doing them. Just got dont with about 300 pictures, whew! I call this one "THE DEATH OF SLICK", what am I going to do tonight, damn its not Sunday, no cartoons on Fox, no Boondocks, shittty shitty shitty. Oh wait Guitar....bye.

Overjoyed!

" Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day"

So I spent the entire day listening to Overjoyed by stevie Wonder, well not the entire day but most of it, I am so hungry today. Its a good hunger you see....I hunger for family and friends, That time of the year is rolling around. I cant wait to see whos gotten fatter, smaller, taller, grayer...ahh the simple pleasures. Ok so i slept for a total of 2 hours last night and now to say the least, I'm a bit jittery. I have a recurring dream where it seems like I'm always being killed, but I usually come back. Tonight its some box wine and Nat King Cole!

A LONGGGGGG NIGHT

Tonight was the longest night....no TV, no...nothing. I did some work at 5pm and worked on some new brushes for my Photoshop Presets. finally completed the Flash and Html sites (http://www.canddesigns.com) man it seemed to have taken forever. Above is a sample of some of the brushes..whew! its 5:35 in the morning.....I have to sleep!

Random notes

These are just random thoughts coming to my head

* I've always wondered why people like Pirates and what not, if you'd ever gotten caught by those guys on a ship they'd butcher you like ..... I dont know...meat.

* My cereal tastes really great with whole milk, I dont understand why theres such a thing as 2% milk, people get more fat from from some stupid "fun sized" candy bar.

* I concur with myself that the Miami Dolphins cheerleaderrs are the best looking in the world, though I do still think that cheerleaders in sports other than cheerleading are completely useless....absolutely, completely useless. They could just have naked pictures of them on the field or whatever and I'd be happy.

*Why is the army suddenly using the phrase "an army of one?" hmm, might not be that they're trying to attract the fiercely independent adolecent of today who might feel like they might drown themselves in a pool of meaningless numbers if they ever do make the mistake join. I've got a good slogan for the army, "KILL or BE KILLED!"

* So my favorite show this year so far behind, "Into the west" and "Over There" has to be "The Crusaders: Cresent and the sword" which asked the question, " Can a President finish what a king, A Sultan and a Pope began?", well I dont know, did the pope have guided missles, did Kings of Ancient have M-1 Abrams tanks? you go figure.

* So "fity cent" came out saying Kanye West was wrong about Bush and that his remarks were unwarranted. Well he didnst say that last word at least. Man I knew it was going to come someday. . . a moment of intelligence from Curtis "FITY Cent" jackson, the most ignorant, _____ly, demeaning human being to be embraced by corporate America comes out and says something meaniful, this day was long overdue.

*Man it must have sucked fighting in those wars where they used swords, I shiver thinking about it.

*Oh B.E.T the bastion of African_American morality presents their monday schedule
3 a.m--5 a.m Uncut ( bringing you the hotest in booty shaking videos short of a gangbang porno
5 a.m--7 a.m Tavis Smiley Presents ( a chance for you to repent after watching your booty shaking marathon)
7 a.m--9 a.m _______ (more church shows comin at ya sucka, I dont even know the names)
9 a.m-- 11 a.m Informercials (gotta get some collection, some money please?)
11 a.m-- 3 p.m something to do with sports ( _____)
3 p.m---9 p.m Inane bs marathon ( fill in the blank _____)
9 p.m--1 p.m --------------------------
Discalimer: B.E.T does not confirm these listings, do not sit at your Tv waiting for them.

* I seriously do not know how many sons Bob Marley has, he was busy.-

have a good night-

So today was the shittiest day of the year so far.....beating out the hottest days of summer. I really am not a fan of the snnow and ice when it first forms only when its melting away under the sweet spring sun. So I'm watching southpark today and its a show about Scientology and I'm reminded of my run-in with scientology. A few months ago, while walking in Minneapolis when I was visiting someone, I saw a sign that said "Now Hiring, excellent pay....exciting!", wow i thought to myself, that ad really sells that job. I must have known it was stupid because no one else was going in there. I walked in there and asked for an application. When I sat down to start filling it up, I knew something was wrong when the first question I was asked was "What is your mother's full name", I jokes you not. One of the most memorable question from that application excluding "what is your brother's name, at what age did you have sex" was this one, "Do you have involuntary muscle movements ?". As you can tell from those questions it was no regular job....but I still didnt get it, maybe its such a cool job that they cant afford to have crazy people get in. Afer submitting my application i was asked to go into a dark room where a single chair was placed in the center of the room in front of the largest television screen I had ever seen before...all this, just for me? man...I'm in already.
The video came on and the first thing I saw was this guy get hit in the head by a football at a game. He passed out! man...that QB is like David and that guy was like Goliath and maybe he just got the shit slain out of him. The next scene shows this guy waking up after being hit in the head and a light shining from heaven while a space ship decended. One thing came into my mind at this point...RUN!! I picked up my backpack and ran out.... with the guy going, is it ok man? are you done? is everything ok? I thought I was going to be kidnapped and made to finish that movie, it was beyond science fiction or anything, and that is the last I'll ever see of a living Scientologist. Good night

A waste of time..

So today i turn on the TV watched some Simpsons and it comes on that The Vibe music awards are coming on right after the Simpsons, interesting i think to myself... so I wait and watched about 20 mins of it, biggest waste of my time today though i did absolutely nothing today..absolutely nothing.

The Darkness

Just a quick comment, not spilling beans from my twisted head today.
1. I'm getting the winter blues, dark so early, what the hell am i supposed to be doing when its so dark so early? makes me feel like i'm in a dream or something.
2. Most of my post are error prone because i write them when I'm half awake....so dont judge my writing Einstien.

The affirmative action show

Hey...how are you? see in this case I'm just assuming that someone is reading this. Anyways it has nothing whatsoever to do with what i have to rant about. You want to hear it? ok..I'm sick of affirmative actions on TV shows. You know what I mean, that one guy or girl whom the writers squeezed in at the last minute that they seem to float like oil on top of water. I like certain shows and the characters in them. One group, multi group, quadrixtiplixz group whatever....keep the show as it is, or graduallybring in more people, but it seems like when writers just squeeze some token person in there at the wrong time..they get it all fucking wrong, all fucking wrong, man that feels good to say.
Over the past few years I've seen many shows that have tried to get that one "underrepresented person" in there but just ended up making that person and the show look like a pin on the wall with no dialoque or action whatsoever...is this how you spell whatsoever? oh, ok I was just wondering.
So my cable's gone now, dang just when the boondocks are on...shit damn you cable god. I think suffer from extreme insomnia...sleep's not so attractive to me anymore, if sleep was a woman she'd be one of those tatooed up big mommas in prison with about three girlfriends, all of them missing eigth teeth or more.
Somethings keeping me up at night and its not my wondorous mind. It's gotta be something in the water... man dont you love it when people blame shit on something in the water.
Son: daddy why did mommy run off with that man?
Pops: its something in the water junior, made that heffer crazy...

Man..I'm tired good night, or should I say good morning...nyah

Its not that easy being green

Well..its not that easy being green. Green is the color of the trees, and grass that makes me feel alive. How many times to I have to tell the world that its not that easy being green. I could be blue but its the color of being sad , I could be red or something but it wouldnt as cool, its not that easy being green. If you ever saw me and wanted to know what was going on, ask me how it feels to be green...like the trees and the leaves and the shrubs and the little living things...I would say its not so easy being green.

Anyways, moving on. I just recieved news of a good friend who died in a car accident yesterday...this just reinforces my paranoia about cars. I stil see his face when we were little and always fighting sometimes spending eleven hours or more at a secluded corner of the lake toturing little animals together, ah the simple joys.
Yesterday i had an awakening, the strangest sh*t happened but i will not say, yeah...bummer.
I woke up today and the trees smiled for me...i could hear the sun lightheartingly giggling....I do think its easy being green after all.

In between dreams

oh man.. sooo extremely tired today. i stayed up until 5:00am last night working on stuff. Woke up at 9 this morning ( thanks to my alarm). Anyways I bought this movie, one of those final fantasies movies, well turns out that the entire thing was in japanese....man what a waste of time. The action scenes were some of the best though, in an animated or real action movie. I fell asleep while watching it. I'm excited, cant wait..printing out business cards, flyers and getting the site ready. Man....days are getting shorter, darker, God how I hate winter. Money...money...money i need money, just like that bobby Brown song. i want money, lots and lots of money. anyways moving on I have to sleep now.

Last night

man...last night was another great night, watched back to back to back to back..you get the idea, episodes of The X-Files. The was this sort of COPS episode which I thought was one of the best so far, though they're all good. Let me see whats on my agenda today.

The aftermath

ok so I watched the BOONDOCKS yesterday and yessss i was a bit dissappointed because the series premiere wasnt all that funny maybe a bit. Its way better to read something in the comics pages and make your own judgement about how things went after the words. Theres already a controversy about it and the use of a certain word...man i never saw that one coming. I have my fingers crossed, printing ads, business cards....the launch is coming soon!
So I basically spent the entire day..well half of the day shipping stuff I'd sold on Ebay. Getting the money transfered into your account is sweet but shipping those products will wear you down.
Today i wore my lucky boots...worn by my friend in Baquba, Iraq...standard military issue. its got scuff marks on it from running around in battles and stuff..good stuff. He came back telling me stories of dropping guys while they were running across streets and how they dropped and shook for a while before expiring, pretty gruesome stories. Today I'm going to create more stuff on my Flash, Dreamweaver and photoshop today, write some papers and then fall asleep.....thats the life.

I'll go....

man..Thanksgiving coming up again...I'll have to take the greyhound to OKC because my mother wont buy me a plan ticket, why? she thinks I'll DIE! ooooooooooooooh, If only she knew that the greyhound bus smells like a ROLLING STINK BOMB and 39% of the people on that bus are the worst of society. Why does outside smell like goat poo today? I would really like to know. I'll be back tonight with more comments about my ongoing project called "MY LIFE"

Whew.....

Man is it just me or does the outside smell like goat poo today? well thats a minor topic for now. I cannot wait .....the world is falling in my hands tonight, you know why? Theres a new Simpsons, Family guy, American guy and on TV for the very first time....THE BOONDOCKS! I cant wait to watch, not for entertainment but more as a judge to see how how Mcgruder can transition from Print to TV without f*@king things up. I did a lot of running tonight and on my way back I shuddered at one thought, Thanksgiving is comming and that means I'm headed down to Oklahoma City, is that why I shudder? noooo....I'll have to take the Greyhound bus, thats right the Greyhound bus, again! all because my mother thinks I'm going to die in a plane crash and will never buy me a plane ticket. Now if you've ever ridden the Greyhound especially in the south, you'll know that it is usually a third of the worst of society that boards that bus, its like a ROLLING STINK BOMB. I'm still working on my web designs and doing stuff with my flash program. I'll be back again tonight..I'm thinking of so much but my mind is clogged at this moment so we'll see,

Ahhhh...Fall...Winter

Ahhh..So today really feels like Fall..I'm a bit depressed, a bit happy and i could eat non-stop if I pleased, but I did not do that, I instead sat in my plush chair listening to the best of Nat King Cole and drinking cheap box wine....ahhh fall, i love thine cold barren hands.
I'll spend close to 5 hours working on my Macromedia Flash and Dreamweaver skills, wonders you can do with this stuff. Nat King Cole is still singing...Mona Lisa...smile. Anyways moving on, TV, Tv, Tv there is nothing on TV. I turned on the TV today and BAM! theres B.E.T! God I despise that channel, its like the Source Magazine on TV...Oh wait I'll turn it on Sunday morning only to see some pracher man jumping around right after the 3AM bare thong booty shaking marathon a.k.a DEGRADATHON. Nat King Cole makes me want to take Route 66 once more, hmmm man i love these pineapples. see you later

Omega's dawn

see there are so many things that I become angry at that if i was angry for too long I'd explode like a mexican snack in the microwave. First...Santosh's b-day was awesome and I'd have to give one to him for that. wow..I've never seen so many beautiful Nepalese women in one spot before, they're all like little spanish models, then the police came..can't blame them, there arent that many muders if any in Mankato so they have nothing to do. i seriously cannot decide in becoming an internet guru or a traveling guitarist. I can swear that Deja Vu's are'nt figments of the imagination because I saw something that happened tonight happen in my dreams about ten times for the last two years or so. I seriously really and appropriately need to be rich...i want to help some homeless people and then buy a house somewhere in Turkey partying with Onur all the time on the Mediterrinean. Damn you Mankato..i've only been with you a few years and you already make me feel like i was born in your bosoms...so many friendships, so many memories, Oh the day I'd have to leave you my love, the track of my tears will mark the painfull paths I'll take to leave this chapter of my life behind. Man..i've found out what my problem really is, I get attached to people way to fast, even if its just at a job, like how I cried at panera Bread when we were all parting, Jesus was that some embarrasing stuff. I've been thinking about a carreer in writing but thats on hold for now, I have too many things going on in my head to try to write at this very moment, it'd be like trying to vomit while drinking something at the same time. last night I had a dream and I could swear i saw the end of the world..as scary as it sounds this is something that I see happening.. God bless our souls.

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The first Day

So this is my first day on here and as far as I can tell you I'm spent. I've stayed up for almost 5 am for the last two weeks straight on an idea that I want to make concrete. Since turning 21 I've realized that the world is not all its cracked up to be during my years of innocence (man I miss those days) . I seriously miss my family everyday..being in Minnesota and so far away..my brother..sister..sister.mother..father...friends...uhhh man I'm breaking down. I wish I'm super rich by the time my brother turns 21 then I can buy him a ficking, yes ficking Ferrari and watch him piss himself. well....I miss my childhood, I hate being mature...God..so many things to do, i miss crying to my mother..damn right I do. Today I talked to a good friend of mine, the best I've ever had and his mother said that he was now a drug dealer..wow how times have changed and he was so much smarter than i was, I seriously looked up to him. Someday..I would love to be in some other country relaxing and sipping on tea on a balcony overlooking the ocean..but we'll see......I feel really ambitious at this moment and nothing but my laziness can stand in my way if i let it, but who said I was going to?

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